Irene

This is the conversation I had with Irene that seems to have take her right through to the ending of the illusion of self. I'm not sure what else has happened since, but will update this later if I hear from her about it.

Seems she's now a free bird!

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  Irene R

  And I've had a nice long chat with Ciaran too now, night before last, and will catch him again soon. I got two 'go away for ten minutes' treatments, but he was not the slightest bit shout-y or arrogant with me. Told me not to tell anyone that he'd been nice to me, so keep that to yourselves - haha! I reckon he was trying out the new, softer method on me!
  
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• Anyway, I still don't really know where I am - seeing then not seeing, understanding intellectually, etc. - which might make it self evident that a little pop has yet to occur. Yet I understand that an 'event' as such needs a someone to happen to....and there isn't one. So I'm seeing that 'event' as a lie, a distraction. What I'd really be impressed by is if someone could describe how they 'looked'. Physically, actually, what did you do in order to really look? That bit can get my head in a fix sometimes. Thanks guys. :0)

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  Jeanne
  
• Looking happens - doing happens without anyone doing, but while the illusion of self is still true for you - you can look simply by using your mind to track down the self. It is hard to explain but I'll try.

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  Jeanne
  
• It's not an event so much as an undoing of an idea/concept. How do you look over at the window? You simply turn your head there - no thought involved - in truth no action involved. And the seeing - you see by looking. It just happens as you look. The challenge is WHERE to look, more than how :)

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  Jeanne
• So then - look everywhere you can. Look for the self. Every idea you have about that self you believe yourself to be. One way is by moving your hand or by walking somewhere and watching closely. Who is doing it. I am doing it - you may say. Track down that "I" sense. etc

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  Jeanne

  My final recognition of the truth of there being no self, happened when I got upset with people asking me how can I claim to be liberated and to say that they are looking in the wrong place. Somehow the interaction upset me. I realised that while i had acknowledged that I could not find a self or evidence for a self anywhere, there was behavioral evidence in the belief. I saw that it was only a belief and that it was creating pain as I defended it's rights. In a flash I saw the stupidity in that. And I was free

• Irene
• jeanne - thank you! That's the kind of thing I do....I see hands and bodies and bits of 'me' doing stuff....I question the 'I'...and find nothing....I'm stYing with it....and with the idea that thoughts get stuck to a fiction called 'me' and adds up to a pile of shit...floating in space....space....

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  Jeanne
• There's really only one thing to question or look at as I'm sure Ciaran told you repeatedly - there is no you. Is that true?

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  Irene
• It is true. I've followed the track all the way to nothing....and seen that when this physical manifestation came into the world, there was no 'me' there at all....there was life, manifested in an intuitive form. Then there was a whole heap of stuff.....insubstantial, coming-and-going stuff....that seemed to form a 'me'...but it can't be found as an entity at all. Isn't there. Never was.

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  Jeanne
  
• ‎:) Beautiful!! You're free!! :)

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• Irene

  Well...that's what I thought....but it feels like nothing happened...and that seeing has come gradually. But it's as clear as a bell...I've been obscuring it a bit with thinking that there should be a 'pop'... but Ciaran did say not to focus on waiting for an event...because that's like sitting back as a 'me' waiting for something to happen to 'me'...then he said to focus on the void that's there instead of 'me'...I don't know about that bit...that feels a bit different, and might need more practice, but I just thought there was more to 'get'...but it's very very simply true that if I try to find me, if I follow the logic, ask the questions, probe and peer, it's sillier and sillier to think that I could find anything. And I've started looking around at street scapes, full of people, watching my judgements arise, then kind of seeing past them to the absolute rightness of the manifestations all around me...every single person being perfectly absolutely right as they are....as if life itself HAS to manifest in all those unique forms...just BECAUSE.

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  Jeanne Well - the fact that there is no self stays true no matter what feelings or thoughts arise.
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No effort! Says who?

I was hung on that stupid statement that seeing is not an effort. It was probably the most effort I've made in a long time.

Looking to find the illusory self does not seem easy and looking does not feel simple, while you're still needing to look. I probably said it was easy because I hadn't looked deeply enough yet. I looked, but I kept squirming away at the effort it was taking.

Initially I saw something crystal clear but I wasn't prepared to let it root out my favourite person - my self. I caught the nasty little liar and then I slammed down the lid on it. But it didn't mind hiding out in the dark.

I'm amazed by how my mind sought out distractions and diversions and excuses not to fully look, fully investigate and fully realise the truth that there is only what is. Real stuff that exists.

And that precious, conniving little self who was FULL on centre stage, simply isn't.

The Search for Solutions

The game is over!!!

There's nothing more to look for and nothing else to find.

From where I stand - finding freedom is not about effort.

It's not about working to get it and it's not about how hard you try or how sincere you are. There is no merit your can earn or deserve, that will bless you with a divine touch of earth-shattering grace.

There is no complicated method or practice that will get you to eventually see something that is reserved for "sincere seekers."

Freedom has nothing to do with Being Awareness or Presence. Or of exchanging your self for The Self.

Liberation from suffering is ONLY found by pure and simple looking at ordinary reality in the same way that you look out the window and notice the weather.

It's about just looking to see what's absolutely, undeniably true and real to your body mind, and what isn't.

If you look, you'll see that yes of course there's a body.

We all agree and we all know what each other's physical body looks like. There may be opinions about liking or not liking the body or whether it looks good to be fat or thin, but the actual physical body form is what it is and we can't argue about the blue eyes or the lack of hair or whatever.

We call the body by a name. The body interacts with stuff and the thoughts process all that the body takes note of. Plain common reality that is undeniably true because it can be seen and touched and everyone agrees that they see the same stuff.

Then there are the thoughts and feelings. We all know what it looks like to see someone who's feeling angry or upset. We know about the shakes we get when we're scared. We know that sadness can make us cry. We can all recognise a thought. This is a desk. This is a book. That book just fell off the bed because it was close to the edge. And other more complex observations.

Thoughts and feelings are what they are. We can measure and describe them. We recognise them as they are for what they are.

Is there more to the idea of "YOU"?

What do you identify yourself as - apart from your body, name, thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Well most people have a conceptual idea about themselves. We call it their image of themselves - the story about their life so far - their perceived worth - their potential (or lack of it) - the dreams - the grudges and heartaches etc. These have far less substance - in reality.

This is the part that we have no access to and that we only imagine.

This is what is being questioned. We want to look very closely to see if it even exists in reality - because if it doesn't exist except as a concept we believe in, maybe it's where all the suffering lies. If you can lose the idea that you exist as that "self" idea, you'll be free of all the heartache and striving that goes on to protect and defend and create and uphold a pretty and acceptable image of that fantasy.

Making sense?

Other than in memory - can you right now touch, see, feel, taste or identify those stories you have about "your self?" Can you identify it in reality in the same way that you can identify your body? Does it have substance or a quality? Yes it's very close to a thought, but a thought says something definitely real about reality such as that is a cat or I feel hot or sad.

But "I am stupid" or "I like ice-cream" has no permanence or form or reality to it.

All of it is based on perception and beliefs.

Is your idea of that "self" here in this room right now? Can you pin-point where it is? Is there ANYTHING tangible here, other than your body with its thoughts and interpretations?

Relax your focus and don't rely on what you've been taught about "self" or "awareness." Don't refer to theory. Just scan everything in front of you and try to put your finger onto exactly where you find that "self" with the story. Can you actually find it?

And if not, why do you believe it's real or that it exists (except as an idea)?

If you really work with this - you will be set free of your pain and your struggle for happiness.

Once you know for certain that there is no you other than as a body with a mind, you will be free.

When you dare to recognise that you made up the (un)reality of that idea of a self who has a fixed place and a fixed history and a fixed identity, you'll be free.

Once you can honestly agree that it doesn't exist - the whole picture of life will change!

I promise you that.